Picture this: You open your Facebook news feed first thing in the morning and spot a notification that your ex is now in a relationship. Or the Memories feature resurfaces a photo from that beach vacation you shared last year. Maybe even the mother of your ex's new partner's parent pops up in People You May Know. These scenarios are all too real, as revealed in a recent University of Colorado Boulder study exploring how the digital age makes breakups even harder.
“Before social media, breakups were painful, but it was easier to create distance from your ex,” says lead author Anthony Pinter. “Today, constant online reminders make it nearly impossible to move on.”
The research team interviewed 19 participants who experienced distressing online encounters with exes in the past 18 months. A clear pattern emerged: Despite efforts to remove exes from their digital lives, social media kept bringing them back—often multiple times a day.
“Many assume unfriending or unfollowing solves it,” Pinter notes. “Our findings show that's far from true.”
Facebook's News Feed, the default landing page, often delivers the biggest blows—like announcements of new relationships. One participant learned last among friends because his roommate had already liked the post.
Memories features are equally devastating, with old messages from exes resurfacing unexpectedly and delivering emotional punches.
Participants also frequently encountered exes via comments in shared groups or on mutual friends' photos.
Features Like 'Take A Break' Help—But Not Always
Launched in 2015, Facebook's Take A Break feature activates when someone changes status from 'in a relationship' to 'single,' offering to hide the ex's activity. However, it misses couples who never set a relationship status.
“Facebook doesn't know we broke up because it never knew we were together,” Pinter explains.
Even unfriending doesn't fully protect: Untagged photos from mutual friends can still appear in your feed.
Blocking helps, but exes' friends and family may still appear in People You May Know suggestions.
“Will I ever escape this online nightmare?” one frustrated participant wondered.
The researchers recommend platforms better address the 'social periphery'—indirect connections like mutual friends, groups, photos, and events.
For now, they advise unfriending, untagging, using Take A Break, and blocking exes, though these aren't foolproof. Pinter's top tip: "Step away from social media until you're emotionally ready."”
